The Big Merpod.

I'd like to preface by saying my story was not a cry for help. Not then. Not now.

I'd also like to give my teacher a little shout-out for not stifling my creativity by slapping me with the following charge: plagiarism.

Enjoy.

(Additional thoughts in red)

***

The mark of a great author. The dedication page...

***

Once upon a time there was a fat sixteen year old Big Merpod. Every time the Big Merpod passed a fish they all died, because her huge rear-end always bumped into them. Once time she was going to marry a man Merpod, but when they were about to kiss, the pressure of the kiss sent him flying, and he was never seen again. Her father, the Sea Ding, was so ashamed he sent her away to live with her friends, Pounder and Shepassion. One day she was bored, so she started to look for sea shells to wear.

***

(Look at those forearms!)

Then one day two pieces of seaweed swam up to her and told her to go to the Sea Snitch. She followed them to a dark, erie, Sears Tower (holla Chicago) under water. The Sea Snitch was on the top floor (the attic) (---in case "top floor" wasn't clear).



***

When they got there the Sea Snitch was an old, skinny, boney, women. The Big Merpod told the Sea Snitch all of her problems. The Sea Snitch said that she would make her thinner if she could have her nose, she had two big holes where her nose should be, Now that the Sea Snitch had her nose (I guess I just gave up on this sentence. Moving on...). The Sea Snitch said "I'll give you legs if you bring me something soon." (I love that the Sea Snitch couldn't be bothered to specify) "Alright, " said the Merpod. So the Merpod set out to find a prince. (natch).

***

She swam up to the surface. She saw the castle. There was one problem, so she swam down to tell the Sea Snitch. (Clearly I had forgotten to include a crucial part of the story. However, instead of erasing and re-writing this page, I actually wrote those three sentences. Bam.)

***

The Sea Snitch told her she had two days to get the prince to slap her. (say wha?) Otherwise she could never get married to the prince (I do not condone domestic abuse. Just, you know, for the record). So she swam back to the surface and went to the castle.

***

The prince saw her and fainted. The next day the prince got kind of used to her (the stuff dreams are made of, ladies). On the second day the prince went swimming. She sneaked up on him. She waited until they were very close to the pool. She almost didn't do it, but she remembered the Sea Snitch's Warning. So she scared him half to death. He jumped around and slapped her face (I'm now picturing the swimming area as the Jersey Shore and the Merpod as Snookie).

***


Then he quickly said he was sorry. He said maybe they could help her. "No, I don't think you can help, because the Sea Snitch has my nose," stated the Big Merpod (Obvi. Oh, men).

"I have an idea," said the Prince. "You go to the Sea Snitch and get your nose back. I'll give you gold coins so you keep your legs". (money really DOES buy happiness).

"Then swim back up here and we will put you on a diet". (true love!)

They did it, and then they got married and lived happily ever after.

***

Based on the rendering, my "dream" man rocks a comb-over and a canadian tuxedo.

Some things that are awesome. Part I.

I don't think an explanation is needed:

Awesome alone. Awesomer in a 6 pack:

I love Canada for their beverages. Canadian Dry and this:

Bigger is better. When referring to peanut butter and chocolate:

The ultimate getaway vehicle:

So obvious:

The song:

The sandwich:

A classic:

Speaking of:

Part II is in the works.

Photog.

I am teaching myself photography.

So I can ultimately fulfill my life's dream. Which is to stalk celebrities as a photog.

No, not really.

And by teaching myself I mean dragging my friend Bassam and his camera all around NYC. I think he's really enjoying it.

Here's a pic from a recent excursion. It's actually a photo Bassam took (obvi). But I think it for two reasons:
1. Way cool street - Minetta Lane, NYC.
2. It's proof I have yet to master the "cool" face.

Cut People Slack.

Read this interesting piece today...

The "fundamental attribution error" is a psychological phenomenon in which we tend to view other people's actions as reflections of their characters and tend to overlook the power of situation to influence their actions, whereas with ourselves, we recognize the pressures of circumstance. When other people's cell phones ring during a movie, it's because they're inconsiderate boors; if my cell phone rings during a movie, it's because I need to be able to take an emergency call.

I tried to remember not to judge people harshly, especially on the first or second encounter. Their actions might not reveal their enduring character but instead reflect some situation they find themselves in.

The Early Works.

I have opened the vault on this lovely Wednesday to share with you a Jenny B original.

I'll call it the "Early Works". Or more fittingly, I'll reference it by the title I gave it in 4th grade.

"The School's Alien"

The cover to my story:

Yes, I designed/created/glued it.

No, against "popular" speculation, it is not a self-portrait.

Inside cover:

My favorite? That I signed the back of the cover. You just never know when those go missing. Close second - that I divided a four page story into four parts. Genius.

Selected passages:

"We got to go out for recess. The alien was following me the whole time. We went inside. The alien was waiting by the window." (Part I: The School's Alien)

***

"The next morning at school the alien wasn't there. It seemed to have left. I asked if I could go outside and find the ring I dropped, even though I don't wear rings (author's note: this does not apply to VERY LARGE diamonds in case any of my seven readers were considering the gesture). When I got outside there was no sign of the alien. So I went back inside. The teacher asked 'Did you find your ring?' I said 'No'." (this was actually not so much a passage as all of Part II: The Alien Left)

***

"I was so happy that the alien left. When I got to school I smelled something unusual. Then I saw something behing the bushes. It was the alien. I ran into the school as fast as I could. Then I turned around and the alien had his back turned and was doing something. He turned around. He had a bomb in his hand. He threw it on the school." (again, the text is just too rich too condense at this point. I hope you enjoyed all of Part III: The Alien Returns)

***

"The Dream: I sat-up straight. Wow some dream!" (Part IV: (aptly titled) The Dream)

***

Teacher review:

Thank you Mrs. Rozack for the kind words. And for not having me arrested.

There are no words.

Hurry ladies, he won't be single forever.



Area code is 314, FYI.

Ohm.

Last summer I went through a belated quarter-life crisis.

- One of my best friends (and roommates at the time) transfered to San Francisco
- I applied and thought I had a transfer to Chicago
- ...It fell through...
- My company restructured and I re-applied for a job in NYC
- Then moved and began living alone for the first time

In reality, all manageable things. But somehow, when condensed into one month, seemed a bit much.

To cope I turned to this...

...A random man in tight, black shorts.

What? It felt right.


Fine -- yoga.

It's pretty awesome. Trust me.