The Big Merpod.

I'd like to preface by saying my story was not a cry for help. Not then. Not now.

I'd also like to give my teacher a little shout-out for not stifling my creativity by slapping me with the following charge: plagiarism.

Enjoy.

(Additional thoughts in red)

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The mark of a great author. The dedication page...

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Once upon a time there was a fat sixteen year old Big Merpod. Every time the Big Merpod passed a fish they all died, because her huge rear-end always bumped into them. Once time she was going to marry a man Merpod, but when they were about to kiss, the pressure of the kiss sent him flying, and he was never seen again. Her father, the Sea Ding, was so ashamed he sent her away to live with her friends, Pounder and Shepassion. One day she was bored, so she started to look for sea shells to wear.

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(Look at those forearms!)

Then one day two pieces of seaweed swam up to her and told her to go to the Sea Snitch. She followed them to a dark, erie, Sears Tower (holla Chicago) under water. The Sea Snitch was on the top floor (the attic) (---in case "top floor" wasn't clear).



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When they got there the Sea Snitch was an old, skinny, boney, women. The Big Merpod told the Sea Snitch all of her problems. The Sea Snitch said that she would make her thinner if she could have her nose, she had two big holes where her nose should be, Now that the Sea Snitch had her nose (I guess I just gave up on this sentence. Moving on...). The Sea Snitch said "I'll give you legs if you bring me something soon." (I love that the Sea Snitch couldn't be bothered to specify) "Alright, " said the Merpod. So the Merpod set out to find a prince. (natch).

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She swam up to the surface. She saw the castle. There was one problem, so she swam down to tell the Sea Snitch. (Clearly I had forgotten to include a crucial part of the story. However, instead of erasing and re-writing this page, I actually wrote those three sentences. Bam.)

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The Sea Snitch told her she had two days to get the prince to slap her. (say wha?) Otherwise she could never get married to the prince (I do not condone domestic abuse. Just, you know, for the record). So she swam back to the surface and went to the castle.

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The prince saw her and fainted. The next day the prince got kind of used to her (the stuff dreams are made of, ladies). On the second day the prince went swimming. She sneaked up on him. She waited until they were very close to the pool. She almost didn't do it, but she remembered the Sea Snitch's Warning. So she scared him half to death. He jumped around and slapped her face (I'm now picturing the swimming area as the Jersey Shore and the Merpod as Snookie).

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Then he quickly said he was sorry. He said maybe they could help her. "No, I don't think you can help, because the Sea Snitch has my nose," stated the Big Merpod (Obvi. Oh, men).

"I have an idea," said the Prince. "You go to the Sea Snitch and get your nose back. I'll give you gold coins so you keep your legs". (money really DOES buy happiness).

"Then swim back up here and we will put you on a diet". (true love!)

They did it, and then they got married and lived happily ever after.

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Based on the rendering, my "dream" man rocks a comb-over and a canadian tuxedo.