I'm ba-ack...

...And I'm coming to you from a brand new city.  

Moved from NYC to SF.  What a wild, condensed ride it's been.

I love NYC.  But after six years I felt the need to explore.  Find out if there was a better...maybe different fit...for me.

So in exactly 60 days I applied for a promotion, got an offer, accepted the job, packed my studio and plopped myself smack dab in San Francisco.  The funny thing about change - about closing chapters, saying "see you soon" and looking with excitement to the future - is that you can't control when it hits you.  When the emotions come.

I felt my first inkling at the airport in New York.  So, naturally, I purchased O Magazine.  Looking for that A-ha moment!

And the article "Growing Wings" couldn't have been more perfectly timed.

This is where I'm at now...Phase I - Dissolving.

When we're dissolving we may get hysterical (happened today, people!), fight our feelings, try to recapture our former lives, or jump immediately toward some new status quo. All these measures actually slow down Phase One and make it more painful. 

Instead they suggest...



Live one day (or 10 minutes) at a time. Instead of dwelling on hopes and fears about an unknowable future, focus your attention on whatever is happening right now.

If you think this sounds frustratingly passive, you're right. Dissolving isn't something you do; it's something that happens to you. The closest you'll come to controlling it is relaxing and trusting the process.

Now I'm accountable.  I have to trust the process.  Not stress about putting friends out, living out of a suitcase, wondering when it will all come together.  Because it will.  It totally will.

Case closed.

Well, folks, this is a bittersweet moment: the Slither case has finally cracked.

After years of diligently and relentlessly questioning my Mom (lead suspect), she finally broke during my last trip to Wisconsin and more or less admitted to doing away with Slither.  How she went about it, I'll never know. Nor care to know.

As we were driving through my childhood town, Carol (through fits of laughter no less) offered this confession...and I quote "You had that thing hooked to your arm and it totally creeped me out".

Slither, may you rest in peace.

About myself.

I know how much all eight (8) of my readers enjoy creations from my childhood, so I am once again opening the vault.

"About Myself" was written circa 4th grade and is a telling piece offering insight into the psyche that is, Jenny B.

(Additional commentary in red)

(I'm picking up on a theme of balls and mammals here)

My name is: Jenny Bulgrin (done. bring it)

Today I feel: hot but I'm happy (not dissimilar to the present)

Something special about me is: I smile a lot

My father always: take my family places (very vague, yet intriguing)

I'd rather: be playing than: at school (you asked)

I like teachers that: are nice (not falling into that trap!)

My favorite place to be is: Wisconsin Dells (minimal travel up to this point)

Something that bothers me is: nothing (untrue)

At our house we: play games before we go to bed (like "empty the dishwasher", "make your lunch"...)

Before I go to bed I like to: read (I am a busy little bee before bed)

When I'm alone: I practice baseball or soccer (Hard to do alone, I would imagine)

The most important people in the world are: my family (I had actually crossed out and replaced "person" with "people" and "is" with "are". I am nothing, if not fair)

I wish I could: go to France

Sometimes I like to: watch TV

I think school should be a place where: we have fun (hope you're taking notes)

I feel nervous when: there is a test (also, when you make me fill out these silly questionnaires)

I wish people wouldn't: give me homework (that's meant for you, teach. passive aggressive. classic)

It makes me angry when: I can't go somewhere (this includes: recess, the bathroom and France)

Better than anything, I like to: ride my bike (option b: not get homework)

I really get angry when: my brother is being weird (still true. also, lots of questions re: anger. profile much?)

I feel proud when: my mom and dad compliment me (what can I say, I am the oldest child)

This year, I hope: to get all A's (cleary with minimal effort i.e. no tests, less homework)

One thing I'd like to know about the teacher is: nothing (ha. take that. now, perhaps if you didn't give me tests...)

One thing I'd like the teacher to know about me is: nothing (haven't you pried enough?!)

Slither the Snake.

When I was little, my Grandpa took me to a garage sale and let me pick out one thing. Whatever I wanted.

I came home with something very similar to this:

The only difference was: mine was ten times cooler. About two feet high, a foot wide -- a black, coiled, (weighty) plastic cobra with ruby red eyes. Quite simply, awesome.

I carried it with me everywhere. Slinging it under my arm and waddling to and fro -- from friend's homes to playtime in the backyard to car rides to visit relatives. I hesitate to say I "played" with it. Because, let's be honest, there's not much you can do with a awkward-shaped reptile. And so it became more of a presence. Keeping watch in the corner as My Little Ponies frolicked and Cabbage Patch Kids got their hair braided. To be honest, I can't remember a single reaction from a friend or family member. Must have blocked that out.

Each night I slid open my closet door and put Slither into a small space I'd create for him. Each morning, his piercing eyes would greet me as I opened the door, and on we'd go.

Until one day. Slither went missing. I searched high and low for the entire day. Questioning my brothers, my mom, my dad. No trace. It was gently suggested that I'd misplaced him. I never saw Slither again.

The topic was recently broached at Thanksgiving. Everyone's still tight-lipped. A little suspicious if you ask me.

Which resulted in me sending this card:

The Big Merpod.

I'd like to preface by saying my story was not a cry for help. Not then. Not now.

I'd also like to give my teacher a little shout-out for not stifling my creativity by slapping me with the following charge: plagiarism.

Enjoy.

(Additional thoughts in red)

***

The mark of a great author. The dedication page...

***

Once upon a time there was a fat sixteen year old Big Merpod. Every time the Big Merpod passed a fish they all died, because her huge rear-end always bumped into them. Once time she was going to marry a man Merpod, but when they were about to kiss, the pressure of the kiss sent him flying, and he was never seen again. Her father, the Sea Ding, was so ashamed he sent her away to live with her friends, Pounder and Shepassion. One day she was bored, so she started to look for sea shells to wear.

***

(Look at those forearms!)

Then one day two pieces of seaweed swam up to her and told her to go to the Sea Snitch. She followed them to a dark, erie, Sears Tower (holla Chicago) under water. The Sea Snitch was on the top floor (the attic) (---in case "top floor" wasn't clear).



***

When they got there the Sea Snitch was an old, skinny, boney, women. The Big Merpod told the Sea Snitch all of her problems. The Sea Snitch said that she would make her thinner if she could have her nose, she had two big holes where her nose should be, Now that the Sea Snitch had her nose (I guess I just gave up on this sentence. Moving on...). The Sea Snitch said "I'll give you legs if you bring me something soon." (I love that the Sea Snitch couldn't be bothered to specify) "Alright, " said the Merpod. So the Merpod set out to find a prince. (natch).

***

She swam up to the surface. She saw the castle. There was one problem, so she swam down to tell the Sea Snitch. (Clearly I had forgotten to include a crucial part of the story. However, instead of erasing and re-writing this page, I actually wrote those three sentences. Bam.)

***

The Sea Snitch told her she had two days to get the prince to slap her. (say wha?) Otherwise she could never get married to the prince (I do not condone domestic abuse. Just, you know, for the record). So she swam back to the surface and went to the castle.

***

The prince saw her and fainted. The next day the prince got kind of used to her (the stuff dreams are made of, ladies). On the second day the prince went swimming. She sneaked up on him. She waited until they were very close to the pool. She almost didn't do it, but she remembered the Sea Snitch's Warning. So she scared him half to death. He jumped around and slapped her face (I'm now picturing the swimming area as the Jersey Shore and the Merpod as Snookie).

***


Then he quickly said he was sorry. He said maybe they could help her. "No, I don't think you can help, because the Sea Snitch has my nose," stated the Big Merpod (Obvi. Oh, men).

"I have an idea," said the Prince. "You go to the Sea Snitch and get your nose back. I'll give you gold coins so you keep your legs". (money really DOES buy happiness).

"Then swim back up here and we will put you on a diet". (true love!)

They did it, and then they got married and lived happily ever after.

***

Based on the rendering, my "dream" man rocks a comb-over and a canadian tuxedo.

Some things that are awesome. Part I.

I don't think an explanation is needed:

Awesome alone. Awesomer in a 6 pack:

I love Canada for their beverages. Canadian Dry and this:

Bigger is better. When referring to peanut butter and chocolate:

The ultimate getaway vehicle:

So obvious:

The song:

The sandwich:

A classic:

Speaking of:

Part II is in the works.

Photog.

I am teaching myself photography.

So I can ultimately fulfill my life's dream. Which is to stalk celebrities as a photog.

No, not really.

And by teaching myself I mean dragging my friend Bassam and his camera all around NYC. I think he's really enjoying it.

Here's a pic from a recent excursion. It's actually a photo Bassam took (obvi). But I think it for two reasons:
1. Way cool street - Minetta Lane, NYC.
2. It's proof I have yet to master the "cool" face.